Andy Capon and The Spire

‘The Truth, The Half Truth and Anything but the Truth…’

Words Justin / Andy Capon Photographs Justin /Andy Capon

‘The Truth, The Half Truth and Anything but the Truth…’ So proclaimed an early edition of The Spire, Faversham’s very own satirical magazine. This week Faversham Life sat down for coffee in the market place with Andy Capon, The Spire’s founder, editor and principal writer. Our conversation went something like this:

FL: We assumed The Spire was a parish magazine.

AC: In a way, it is a parish magazine. My mum polished brass and did flowers for the church and The Spire was the title of a little parish pamphlet she used to have delivered when I was a kid. I lifted the title from that.

I began writing The Spire in 2019, after I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a full-time job at the time but was sent home by my bosses and told to rest whilst the illness was dealt with. It became complicated though, and I spent the best part of the year in and out of hospital. I get bored very easily and staring at the four walls of my room got boring, so I began writing The Spire. I’d done something similar when I was living in Whitstable a few years back called The Wind Farm but it didn’t fly.

I think The Spire works because I was raised in Faversham and know it like the back of my hand.

FL: What is so funny about Faversham?

AC: So many things, like every town, everywhere. The characters mainly. The bin crisis has given us a lot write about and if it wasn’t that, it would be something else, like the church bells at St Mary of Charity. Andy recently caused a stir online when he posted a tongue-in-cheek complaint about enthusiastic bell-ringing spoiling his enjoyment of the Hop Festival. Not everyone got the joke.

We try to be topical, and if there isn’t anything to satirise, we’ll just make something up.

FL: You’ve been vocal in your support for the University of West Ospringe? Was that your alma mater?

AC: Ha. The University of West Ospringe has become something of a cult around town, and more so with Ospringe residents, obviously. We have T Shirts, mugs and hoodies amongst the merchandise we offer and we even do bespoke degree certificates. The most recent one we conferred was a masters in Poultry Cardiganry, awarded to a follower who knits cardigans for chickens. Seriously.

I’ve lived in Faversham for most of my life. I was actually born in Ilford before being adopted and brought back to Faversham. My childhood home was in Kings Road before we moved to Athelstan Road, where mum still lives.

I didn’t go to University, not even the one in Ospringe. I was expelled from school at 15 and went off the tracks a little, which saw me spending 32 days of a three month sentence in Aldington Detention Centre because I was a pretty useless criminal and kept getting caught. There was a clear lesson there, and I learned an even bigger one inside. It changed me for the better. When I came out, the first thing I did was to go to the library and re-educate myself. I spent three years reading everything I could lay my hands on, from Kafka to Shakespeare to Machiavelli. Books about geography, history, art and even car manuals. I still can’t fix a car, though. I didn’t understand half of it, but I read it all the same.

I’ve always been a film geek and had ideas about being a film critic when I was younger. I loved the idea of being paid to watch films and then offer my opinion about it. I’m obsessed with music, also, but comedy has been the one staple throughout my life. I was brought up on Monty Python, Spike Milligan, Abbot and Costello and so on. I had a short-lived career as a stand-up comic in the nineties which taught me the essentials of timing and delivery which I hope has been put to good use in The Spire…

FL: Your characters are obviously drawn from life, some more than others. Do you have a favourite?

AC: My favourite would be Sgt Stan Murch. He’s firmly based on Inspector Truscott from Joe Orton’s Loot. He’s a good copper with a good heart, but a bit knavish and not as smart as he thinks he is. He gets the job done, but always at a bent angle. There’s a great line that Noel Coward uses in The Italian Job after being questioned as to whether one of the criminals they’re recruiting is actually bent. His reply is, “Everybody in the WORLD is bent!”, and Murch sums this up.

The Twickenham-Mills family who shop at Macknade are also favourites. They serve as a reminder, I hope, that we owe it to ourselves not to take ourselves too seriously, which is probably The Spire’s central message.

FL: Writing satire in a small town is perhaps a dangerous game. Your characters are often based on real people, but you’re rarely unkind. Does kindness have a place in satire?

AC: I think it’s important to be kind always, but especially if you’re in the business of writing comedy. The Spire gets close to the bone occasionally but we never get personal or nasty. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and we never set out to hurt anyone. The job is to amuse people, not to upset them. Calling our local MP ‘Sir’ Helen Whately is affectionate rather than brutal and even she gets the joke now – and every joke has a victim…

FL: Yes, ‘Sir Helen Whately’ features prominently in The Spire. Would you consider standing for Faversham Town Council as ‘Lady Andrea Capon’?

AC: Possibly. If the hours are favourable and it pays well…

FL: What are your inspirations?

AC: Absurdist humour. The more surreal, the better. One of my favourites as a kid was Lewis Carroll. Alice In Wonderland is one of the funniest things ever written. I remember my dad giving me one of Edward Lear’s books when I was a kid, which opened my eyes to absurdist humour. I love Monty Python and adore Spike Milligan. Their humour was so open-ended and unlimited as it was just total nonsense that could go anywhere and often did. Milligan’s humour was so anarchic and he didn’t care if a sketch lacked the killer pay-off line. Some of his sketches would just dissolve into him marching toward the camera, saying, ‘What are we going to do now?’. I always liked Vic Reeves’s style too. Just ridiculous.

I liked surreal cartoonists such as Bernard Kliban, Gary Larson and Glen Baxter, all of whom were influences. I still like old school comedians, too, like Henny Youngman, Bob Monkhouse, Les Dawson and have a lot of time for the likes of Bill Burr, Mickey Flanagan and more recently Anthony Jeselnik, these are comics who don’t shy away from telling it like it is.

FL: You live here in the Market Square and get to see it all, literally. What’s the oddest thing you’ve ever seen there?

AC: During lockdown, I had to isolate early as I’d had chemo. I spent a lot of time staring out of the window at folk queuing six feet apart for the Nat West bank and one day, they looked like a row of Anthony Gormley statues, which inspired a story there and then. Listening also to people queuing below my window who had suddenly become epidemiologists or a scientists overnight…

FL: And of course the Nat West bank in Faversham is now history in itself. What does the rest of 2024 hold for The Spire?

AC: We are on the home stretch for our next book which will be out on November the 30^th. I’m lucky enough to have some excellent contributors, which makes the process easier and a bit quicker. It’s been hard work doing it mainly alone but the contributors – Jason, Andrew, Tony, Martin and Doug have allowed me some breathing space. Unrelated to The Spire. I’ve also been given a radio show on Radio Faversham, playing punk and new wave songs for an hour or so. I’m an old punk that never grew out of it and the show gives me something else to focus on other than work…

FL: We’re both writing about Faversham, in one way or another. What piece of advice would you give us at Faversham Life?

AC: Never eat anything bigger than your head…

Andy Capon can usually be found at his stall on Faversham market, with current and past issues of The Spire and a range of variously-appealing satirical merchandise. Or you can follow him on Facebook.